Monday, May 5, 2014

The Waiting Game: An Adoption Update

Well, we are still patiently (or not so patiently) waiting and hoping to adopt another baby.  In the last year, we've been considered by three different birth mothers, but not been chosen.  It is an emotional experience, so naturally it can be really hard.  But I felt like I should share about it in case anyone out there is reading this and in the same boat.  You aren't alone!

The last time was during Holy Week and the baby had already been born, so we were just waiting for a call one way or the other.  If we had gotten the "yes, the birth mother chose you" call, we would have jumped in the car and driven down to pick up the baby right away.  Wouldn't that have been a wonderful Easter surprise?  All of our newborn clothes are washed, the bottles are washed and there is a cozy bassinet just waiting to hold some little feet.  In each of these circumstances, we have hoped for the best but expected the worst, as one caseworker advised us.

That is easier said than done.  I probably tend to lean too much towards hoping for the best, so each time we aren't picked, I am crushed for us.  But I bounce back by focusing on being grateful for all of the good in my life.  I think it is OK to have a little bitty pity party when you (I) go through these experiences, but that is it.  I acknowledge my feelings of sadness and then move on.  I have so much to be grateful for and that is what I choose to dwell on.  I am truly glad that someone gets the chance to love and care for a new baby, but of course I wish it was me!  I love parenting and caring for my son.  I have loved every stage and every age.  It is fascinating and it is a privilege to get to raise him.  But there is no denying that it is really hard when a birth mother chooses someone else to do your job instead of you.

 Each time this has happened, I have wondered why we were not chosen, why someone doesn't think we are right or good enough or whatever to raise the baby.  I wonder if there is something we need to do to make ourselves a more attractive option.  For heaven's sake, we went to Princeton!  Who possibly doesn't want a couple of Ivy League educated parents!? =) [note: now even I am rolling my eyes at myself!] 

But at the same time, these experiences make us that much more grateful for our sweet little boy and his wonderful bio mom who did choose us.  We are truly, truly grateful.  I can't emphasize that enough!  We might have to wait a long time or we might never be chosen again.  I don't know if it is commonly more difficult to adopt 'the second time around.'  It feels like it is, but one thing that is true is that all adoptions are different!  

I am so glad that someone gets the privilege to raise and care for those three babies.  It helps me to keep a list of these circumstances and to try to remember to pray for these children.  I pray that they have wonderful, full lives and give thanks for their birth moms who give them the first shot at life (literally!).

We'll continue to hope for more babies in this family, and trust that God is carefully designing our family in His perfect plan.  We are broadening our network of adoption resources.  I recently read this in an insert in our church bulletin and found it encouraging: "People of hope have no use for despair or discouragement because all things are possible with God." 

If you are waiting and hoping to adopt and haven't been chosen, I feel your pain.  You are in my prayers.  And may we all remember that God is here with us every step of the way.  Let's be people of hope.

No comments:

Post a Comment