An Adoption Hospital Bag

Both of our boys were born in different towns from ours.  In either case, we really didn't know what to expect when we showed up at the hospital. We didn't know if we would be able to stay with either boy, given a room or if they would just have to hang out in the nursery until discharge.  I thought I would share my packing list in case you are expecting a domestic infant adoption and wondering what to bring!

This is what we brought, and what we did/did not use in our most recent adoption:

A bag for my husband and me
  A pair of PJs (neither of us wore these - we basically wore the same outfit the whole time we were at the hospital (approximately 1.5 days, I think!)
  2 extra outfits - I did change into clean clothes the morning after baby J was born.  The hospital had given us a private room to "room in" with him in the labor/delivery ward.  But I didn't use the shower in the room- that seemed a little weird for me to do!
  Camera, phone and battery chargers - Don't forget your chargers!
  Toiletries
  A gift for our son's mother.
  We both brought a book/work to do while we waited for baby to be born.  I don't think I looked at a single page, but before M was born, D sat in the hallway and took a quiz for his MBA program!

The diaper bag for the baby
  1/2 of a small package of newborn-sized diapers - you never know what the hospital will provide or send you home with.
  4 outfits (2 piece style, with hats) - Baby J wore just a diaper and tops and was swaddled in the hospital blankets until discharge.  Then we dressed him in his sweet little "going home" outfit.
  4 pairs of socks
  2 of the smallest-sized bottles (before we left our house, I added 3 more to end up taking 5) - We didn't use these in the hospital because the nurses gave us those "ready-to-use" disposable ones, which are wonderful and I wish I had a million of those to use the whole first month!!
  1 package of newborn formula (we used Enfamil newborn first) - didn't use until we got home - by the way, my neighbor just told me that Target's formula is also made by Enfamil, has anyone else heard that?
  A pacifier - started using on the drive home, I think!
  A pair of baby mittens - but we didn't use these
  A warm snuggly to wear over his clothes - a must for winter babies, but we didn't use ours since it was unseasonably warm when we took J home. 
  A warm, soft jacket
  2 swaddles - didn't end up using these in the hospital because we swaddled him in the hospital blankets.

I totally forgot burp clothes and really could have used them!  We had some barfisodes in the hospital in the middle of the night that led to several changes of clothing.  Thankfully the nurses were super helpful and kept us well-stocked with receiving blankets and burp cloths.

I think the main thing is just to prepare for anything and be flexible because you never know how the hospital staff handles adoptive situations.  And since adoptions are not all that frequent, much of the staff may have never dealt with one before at all.  With Baby J, there was a very hands-on social worker present, but with M I don't think we ever spoke with a hospital social worker (but my memory could be failing me).

Any other ideas for what to pack for adoptive families? 

Baby J - 8 & 9 Month Update

This boy is busy, busy busy!  As you can probably tell, I can hardly keep up with him, his older brother and this blog!

8 Month Update: he is a [mini] man on a mission.  The champion of the army crawl and not afraid of any stairs.  He loves to eat anything - including sand, leaves, and dirt.  Trips to the playground are not very relaxing for me - he wants out of the stroller NOW and is crawling like crazy through the sand.  I really miss McEuen park and its turf!

9 Month Update: Baby J has graduated from his army crawl and bear crawl to a full-on speed crawl.  We have gated off our play area, but if he spies an open door, he can sure get to it quickly!  When M plays outside and I've kept him in on the porch, he pulls up to the window and loves to just stand there and yell at M.  He is pulling up and cruising up and down the couch and anything else!  He is definitely a "gross motor baby" as my Mom and I call him. 

 He has 3 teeth poking through, too!!  Two on top and 1 on the bottom.  What a grin with those chompers, too.  He is babbling more and definitely saying "Dadadada" but not meaning it yet.  He hates to be gated in the playroom while I'm cooking dinner, and mostly stands at the gate and yells at me!  He still loves to snuggle in the Ergo and come along with us wherever we go, and he is great in the double stroller on a run, loving M's constant narration/questions.

I think we are all going to be due for haircuts, this weekend, don't you think?  Baby J, we love and adore you!  You are a tremendous blessing to our lives!

Adoption Day

 Baby J's adoption was finalized several months ago, but I'm just now getting the post up.  #lazyblogger.  He learned early on that legal proceedings are a snooze.

 

After we skipped out of the courthouse, we took a family selfie:

Then we went out for breakfast at Java on Sherman's new location.  Big brother loved the hearing and totally hammed it up.  The Judge told us that he thought M would either be a politician or an entertainer (yikes!?). 

 

When we got home, baby J perked up enough to start rolling around - back to front!  And M spent the day pretending that he was an attorney.  Now he says "Mommy, can you believe you were a yaw-yer?"

 

Baby J, you are a blessing beyond measure.  You bring us so much joy and we are so honored to get to love and raise you.  May God bless you always!

Father's Day 2015

Weekend Dad with his boys.

Every day, but especially on Father's Day and Mother's Day, we are incredibly thankful that our boys' mothers gave them life and chose us to guide and love them through it.

If you are a mother who chose adoption, know that you are a hero and we are eternally grateful to you.

4 Months!

Ridiculously Happy Baby is 4 months old!

He weighs 18 pounds - just 10 more to go before he catches up to big brother!

Baby J smiles at everyone and is (yes) ridiculously happy.  He is starting to put his fingers in his mouth and pull toys towards him.  He was strong-arming his way out of his swaddle, so now he sleeps un-swaddled.  Sniff, sniff, this sweet baby is growing up!

He has nearly rolled over from back to front a couple of times, but not completely yet.  He likes to bear weight on his feet, and he loves to sit up and watch his big brother play.  He is a riot in the bath tub - kicking his feet like crazy and squealing when he splashes himself!

He sleeps through the night (7 pm - 5 am) maybe once a week.  Other nights he might wake up at 2 am, 3 am or 4 am.  I can never predict it!  Anyone else up in the middle of the night with me?

He is adored by every member of this family!

Baby J - 3 Months Old!

Time is simply flying around here - baby J is 3 months old!

He is the world's happiest baby.  Unless you are taking two seconds too long to fill up his mega-bottle.  ;)

I don't know his official weight, but I am thinking he is at least 16 pounds or more.  His two favorite things: drinking his bottle and watching/smiling at his big brother.  He is such a cutie and we can't get enough of him!

I love to watch him wake up in the morning - those first smiles are like, oh there you are!!  I have missed seeing you so much!  I am so happy to see you!  

Have I mentioned that he is a happy, smiley baby?

Other new things: cooing, babbling more, giggling, putting his hands in his mouth and a little bit of batting at his toys.  He is wearing size 6 month clothing and those will probably last for another week.  ;)

We are so blessed to have him in our lives.  What an amazing gift!

3

We have a three year old in the house!

Mountain of chocolate cake + Daniel Tiger sweater + dinosaur sticker on forehead = toddler randomness!

I can hardly believe it.  M's music teacher sang "Happy Birthday" to him at music class, and I got all teary-eyed.

M is a sweet, kind and wonderful little boy.  He is so inquisitive about his world and frequently asks us, "what are you talkin' about, Mommy Daddy?"

Giddy to be playing with his new blocks from Grammie D and Granddad

He is the sweetest big brother and twice this week he has said to me: "I'm not sick anymore, so I can give baby J a kiss now!"

Some favorites: driving trucks, playing with Daddy, playing air guitar and going to Church (where there are guitars).

Every time someone would wish him "Happy Birthday" he responded with a cheerful "and Happy Birthday TO YOU!" right back.  Silly goose!

We are so very blessed to have him in our lives.  

Fitness & Newborn Adoption

I made it back to our gym a couple of weeks ago for my first return to "exercise"!  Before we brought J home, I thought I might be able to just bring J to the gym and park him next to my treadmill while I ran, as soon as we got home.  Without missing a beat!  It's not like I needed any physical recovery time like a biological mom!  But haha -- we were pretty exhausted that first week from no sleep the night before we met him, no sleep in the hospital and still trying to figure out our new schedule.  Add to that M's recent fever/cold bug, followed up by (successful!) potty training, and we've been stuck at home and inside longer than I thought.

In any case, all I did my first time back at the gym was walk a mile on the track while wearing baby J in my wrap, but I figured that was a start and better than nothing.

When D's parents were here, I went out for a few very short stroller runs with M to get him outside for a bit in the fresh (cold) air while they watched baby J.  I'm thinking that for the next month, I'll try to get to our gym 2-3 days/week and either walk on the track or try out the variety of machines there.

Big Brother pushing Little Brother out of the gym!

As I was walking today, I noticed all of the different machines that I never use - the rowing machine, cycling, stair climber, etc.  I think this season of life will be a good chance for me to try out a variety of machines and maybe also do some more lifting too?

I also signed up to participate in Laura's "5 by the 5th" virtual challenge.  I'm planning to do 5Ks, and hopefully work on developing a faster pace.  I'll probably be doing these runs as a mix of treadmill runs and outdoor runs if I can get them in on the weekends while baby is napping and my husband is playing with M.  Or I'll just bring him with me in the stroller!  I also have a barre DVD that I have yet to try, so one of these days I will choose to do that rather than nap while the boys are napping, haha!  So hopefully this season of fitness will be one of enjoying my precious boys and mixing up my fitness.

Are you trying anything new, fitness-wise, this year?

Adoption Update: Our New Baby J at 1 Month

Hello Friends!

Here is a little update on our adoption of baby J.

We were blessed to be at the hospital for his birthday, and we got to bring him home with us the very next day.  He is such a sweet, snugly little guy with lots of dark hair!  He loves to be held, and he has consistently been a good eater, now taking 3-4 ounce bottles regularly.  We have about 3 nighttime feedings on average, so over the next month I'm going to see if we can stretch these out any further.  It seems like with M we still had 2 night feedings at 6 weeks of age, and I distinctly recall that he first slept through the night right after he was 2 months old.  So you know I'll be watching for this!

The first couple of weeks he didn't seem to like sleeping flat in his bassinet, so we used the rock n play more.  He is doing better in the bassinet now, but isn't yet taking naps there regularly.  He is having more alert time and tummy time, and he first rolled from front to back when he was 6 days old.  But I think that big heavy head of his really helped with that!  He is cooing a little bit, and the doctor has twice remarked that he "likes the sound of his own voice."  I think that might be a little bit of quackery, but whatever. ;).   He loves to watch his big brother and his big brother sure likes to give him kisses and tickle his toes.  He is our sweetheart and we love him to pieces!

He really is a snuggle bug and sleeps best when he is being held.  He seems to like a little one ounce bottle and a rock right before going down for the evening.  I call it his "nightcap."  

We found out that his birth mom had chosen us about two months before he was born, via our agency Idaho Youth Ranch.  If you have any questions about the specifics of how we connected with his Bio mom or how our open adoptions work, please feel free to contact me directly!  I'm still deciding what to share publicly, so please let me know if you have specific questions.

Life

Today, especially, I am so grateful that their moms gave these boys life.  

We thank God every day for their selfless generosity and love.

A Letter to My Big Boy

A little love letter to M from me, written shortly before we brought baby J home.

My sweet big boy, you are about to become a big brother!

And what a wonderful big brother you will be.  You are truly a special, amazing miracle.  For as long as I live, I will never forget the moment I met you.  You had a sweet little hat on, and you looked at me and the world with your big blue eyes and your long, slender neck.  You were so alert, and you have been ever since - you don't miss a thing!

First bottle

I love to watch you drive your trucks and read to yourself.  I am amazed every time you pick out (correctly!) the instruments when we are listening to "Peter and the Wolf."  No one can play air guitar like you and no one can sing "Danny Boy" like you.  You have a zest for life that warms my heart.  You are truly a gift from God. 

It is the greatest joy of my life to be your mom.  It is an honor and privilege to care for you.  I am amazed as I watch you learn and grow - you get smarter every day, you remember things all of the time that I have forgotten and you are so pleasant with your good manners and cheerful smile!

Waiting for the Sing-A-Long with Mudgy the Moose, Millie the Mouse & Santa - 2014

Every day with you is a gift.  I am so grateful to your biological mother that she has allowed Daddy and me to care for you and love you with our whole hearts.  We love you so much and are so thankful for you.  You are amazing.

Finding Our New Normal

Wow!  We made it through our first week as a solo family of four!

Last week was our first week back to our new normal life since bringing baby J home.  Whew!  D's parents were here helping us for three weeks, and then we went to Big Sky to visit my family, so we have been surrounded by many wonderful helping hands!  And I am so grateful for all of the help!

D returned to work on Monday, and naturally, M woke up (earlier than usual) with a fever.  I think he just has a yucky cold, and he responds well to Motrin, but it has meant we've been stuck at home for the most part.  We had one fun adventure out of the house to the assessor's office where I pushed M in the stroller with one hand (and nearly ran into every wall corner!) and tried to hold baby J steady in the Moby wrap (couldn't seem to get it comfortable for both of us).  We're a work in progress!  

I am bouncing back and forth between responding to each of the boys' needs. And then all of a sudden it is 5:00 pm and I'm supposed to be making dinner, whoops! And I have gained a new respect for all you moms out there who handle all of the night feedings and then still get up and go with busy toddlers or other children!  Wow!  

When we all sit down to dinner together though, I look at these two amazing little boys and want to pinch myself.  I'm so grateful for the chance to raise, care and love them.  So very, very grateful.  It is the greatest privilege of my life.

Happy National Adoption Day

Did you know that Friday was National Adoption Day?

We stopped by an event commemorating the day in Spokane at the Spokane County Courthouse Jury Assembly Room.  

There were lots of happy families there whose adoptions were being finalized that day.

M's Adoption Day 2012

Adoption Days are certainly the happiest days in a courthouse.  Most courthouse proceedings are not much fun, but adoption finalizations are happy occasions for everyone there.

My first time appearing in court without a suit on, haha!

 We've never attended a National Adoption Day event before, but this one included lots of food, balloons, free portrait photography, face painting and other activities for the kiddos.

M loved playing with the balloons and even got his face painted!  I was amazed that he actually wanted to do that and was willing to sit for it, haha!

He chose the ninja turtle mask - and really didn't want to let go of either the cookie or the balloon!

We are so blessed by adoption!

Mother's Day and My Letter of Thanks

Inspired by this post, which is much more eloquent and beautiful than anything I could ever write, here is my letter to my sweet boy's bio mom.

Dear ____,

Hi!  We hope you are doing well.  As I was rocking M to sleep tonight, I just had a moment of overwhelming gratitude for you.  I want you to know that on Mother's Day, even more so than any other day, I am especially thankful for you, and the incredible gift you gave me.  You gave me the chance to be a mom - you made me a mom!  You took a chance on us and you trusted us to care for M, even though you had never even met us.

I can't thank you enough for your trust in us, and in me especially.  It is a privilege to get to parent him and watch him develop into the sweet and happy little boy that he is.  I just want you to know that I won't let you down.  I will love him and protect him with every ounce of my being, for as long as I live.  I don't take a single minute with him for granted, and I am so grateful to you for giving me the opportunity to love and care for him.

Obsessed with trucks!

Thank you for all of that you've done for us.  For us in this family, Mother's Day is not about me but it is a chance for us to reflect on how grateful we are to you for bringing us together, and for giving us a happiness that is greater than we ever could have imagined.  You are our hero, and we love you.  Thank you.

Annie

The Waiting Game: An Adoption Update

Well, we are still patiently (or not so patiently) waiting and hoping to adopt another baby.  In the last year, we've been considered by three different birth mothers, but not been chosen.  It is an emotional experience, so naturally it can be really hard.  But I felt like I should share about it in case anyone out there is reading this and in the same boat.  You aren't alone!

The last time was during Holy Week and the baby had already been born, so we were just waiting for a call one way or the other.  If we had gotten the "yes, the birth mother chose you" call, we would have jumped in the car and driven down to pick up the baby right away.  Wouldn't that have been a wonderful Easter surprise?  All of our newborn clothes are washed, the bottles are washed and there is a cozy bassinet just waiting to hold some little feet.  In each of these circumstances, we have hoped for the best but expected the worst, as one caseworker advised us.

That is easier said than done.  I probably tend to lean too much towards hoping for the best, so each time we aren't picked, I am crushed for us.  But I bounce back by focusing on being grateful for all of the good in my life.  I think it is OK to have a little bitty pity party when you (I) go through these experiences, but that is it.  I acknowledge my feelings of sadness and then move on.  I have so much to be grateful for and that is what I choose to dwell on.  I am truly glad that someone gets the chance to love and care for a new baby, but of course I wish it was me!  I love parenting and caring for my son.  I have loved every stage and every age.  It is fascinating and it is a privilege to get to raise him.  But there is no denying that it is really hard when a birth mother chooses someone else to do your job instead of you.

 Each time this has happened, I have wondered why we were not chosen, why someone doesn't think we are right or good enough or whatever to raise the baby.  I wonder if there is something we need to do to make ourselves a more attractive option.  For heaven's sake, we went to Princeton!  Who possibly doesn't want a couple of Ivy League educated parents!? =) [note: now even I am rolling my eyes at myself!] 

But at the same time, these experiences make us that much more grateful for our sweet little boy and his wonderful bio mom who did choose us.  We are truly, truly grateful.  I can't emphasize that enough!  We might have to wait a long time or we might never be chosen again.  I don't know if it is commonly more difficult to adopt 'the second time around.'  It feels like it is, but one thing that is true is that all adoptions are different!  

I am so glad that someone gets the privilege to raise and care for those three babies.  It helps me to keep a list of these circumstances and to try to remember to pray for these children.  I pray that they have wonderful, full lives and give thanks for their birth moms who give them the first shot at life (literally!).

We'll continue to hope for more babies in this family, and trust that God is carefully designing our family in His perfect plan.  We are broadening our network of adoption resources.  I recently read this in an insert in our church bulletin and found it encouraging: "People of hope have no use for despair or discouragement because all things are possible with God." 

If you are waiting and hoping to adopt and haven't been chosen, I feel your pain.  You are in my prayers.  And may we all remember that God is here with us every step of the way.  Let's be people of hope.

Book Review: Adopted for Life, by Russell Moore

I recently read Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches, by Russell Moore.

It took me a while to get into this book, but overall, I liked it and I do recommend it for anyone considering adoption.  It's a good one to add to your home library of adoption resources, and good to share with your relatives if you are an adoptive family.  Moore discusses adoption on earth through the lens of God's adoption of us as Christians.

My favorite take-away from this book: "adoption is a past-tense verb" and your child's adoption shouldn't be "the key defining characteristic of your child."  I agree completely, and this is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately - I like to share about our adoption because I want more people to think about it as an option, but I don't want my sweetie to think that it defines who he is.  The author provides some good ideas for how to respond when people want to talk all about all the details of the process of your adoption.

A major focus in this book is about how churches can foster a culture that is open and supportive of adoption.  He makes a point about how great it would be if wedding ceremonies incorporated prayers for children of the union, whether they come through birth or adoption.  I loved this part, and I would love to see more churches talk about adoption here on Earth just as God's adoption of us.

While I didn't just devour this book, I'm glad I read it and it has made me think more about international adoption in particular.  

Have you read this book?  Is international adoption a part of your life?  If so, I would love to hear about it!

"My Daddy"

Last Wednesday night at dinner, our toddler looked over at D with a smile and said "My Daddy."

He has been saying "Daddy" for a long time now, but that day was the first time that he started saying "my" and put together "my daddy."

D beamed with pride and we both had the biggest smiles on our faces - it was so sweet and adorable.

Just another beautiful life experience all made possible thanks to M's heroic bio mom.  What an incredible gift she has given us.

Thanksgiving is Right Around the Corner!

Hi there!

It's been a busy, but great week.  We got our fingerprints taken again today to update our adoption home study. We have sent out revised adoption portfolios to our attorney in Washington and to the local agency.  So, we continue to wait, and pray!

In the meantime, we'll be hosting a "southern style" Thanksgiving.  We are having two families come over and both of my girlfriends are transplanted Southerners like me, so it should be fun and full of butter!  There will be 7 kids age 6 and under so we are hoping for chaos.

I'm making the turkey, gravy, potatoes, mac & cheese and an apple pie.  My hardworking husband loves apple pie, so you know I aim to please.  Is mac & cheese a standard Thanksgiving dish?  We never had it when I was growing up, but I made a Pioneer Woman recipe last year and really liked it, so I am planning to make it again, even though my friend's young daughter declared that it was merely "interesting."  I've asked my friends what they want to bring.  If no one volunteers to make green bean casserole or corn casserole, I might make those too.  I loved making these dishes with my mom and sisters growing up, so they are "must-haves" for me!

We frequently hosted Thanksgiving when I was growing up, so I have fond memories of cooking all day with my mom and sisters, and then eating outside at one big table with the extended family.  That's one of the benefits of Thanksgiving in Florida - you can eat outside with a gorgeous view of the river! 

We go around the table with the usual "what are you thankful for" but also other questions like "what do you want to be when you grow up" (best answer was from my nephew who was 4 and said he wanted to drive ships like his Dad), advice for the cousin graduating from college or advice for the cousin getting married (my Uncle advised D that year that "we all come with her!") 

We also went to NYC and watched the parade for several years.  That was a ton of fun too - I got up early with my mom and her two sisters to stake out our spot on the parade route, we played football in Central Park and shopped, of course!  We've also had our share of sadness at Thanksgiving - my Uncle died on Thanksgiving Day 2003, actually en route to the family gathering that year.  It was tragic and we all continue to miss him, but I am so thankful for the great memories of him that I have.  I'll definitely be thinking of all of our family spread across America this Thanksgiving, and thankful for our many blessings.

How will you be celebrating your Thanksgiving?  I hope you have a great weekend!

The Latest on Our Adoption Journey

Good morning!

Here's a little update as to where we are in our pursuit of Adoption #2:  It has been almost a year that we've been formally back on the list with our attorney.  He has had a couple of situations arise but nothing has panned out for us.  I am getting our paperwork together to work with an agency as well, and also planning to give our portfolio to another local attorney that a friend has used.  She has said that she hasn't had many prospective mothers lately though.  We have to get our home study updated, fingerprints done again, etc.!  Lots of paperwork!

We trust that God will build our family as he sees fit.  I remember talking with Dan the night we became engaged and we had such dreams for a big, rocking family.  But it may be just the three of us, or more, or not.  The first time we were not chosen by a birth mom, it was really hard for me.  But I think I needed to go through that, and I have learned more about myself as a result.  It made me sad and made me feel inadequate, but I ultimately realized that it was out of my control and that situation was just not the perfect fit that God has in mind for our family.  M was a perfect fit for our family, and God willing, there will be more children who will fit perfectly with us.

In any case, we are all sleeping too well in this house so we need a newborn around to shake things up.  =)  No matter what happens, I am truly grateful to entrust the building of my family to our Lord, and hopeful, and patient.

Book Review: The Open-Hearted Way to Open-Adoption, by Lori Holden with Crystal Hass

I picked this book up on a whim at the library last week.  The title piqued my interest because we have an open adoption.

This is a great book for anyone involved in the adoption process or contemplating an open adoption.  The authors are the birth mother and the adoptive mother in (what I would call) a very open adoption.  I call it very open because they seem to have very frequent contact with both of the biological parents.

The authors very thoroughly explain how open adoption benefits the child with reconciling the "split" between his/her biology and biography.  The subtitle of the book ("Helping your child grow up whole") really sums up the book.  As adoptive parents, all we really want is for our child to grow up "whole" and feel good about himself, who he is and how he came to be.

source

I think the first half of the book can be really helpful for folks who are not yet in an open adoption - the authors really explain who the players are in the adoption and the real life anecdotes are interesting to read.

I liked the second part of the book ("Orienting on the Child: Open Adoption's True North"), and I know I am going to be referring back to it again and again over the years.  Holden gives some good examples of how to deal with the question of "where's your real mom?" and also refers to other helpful resources.

The book is a quick read, and a great one for every adoptive family!